Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Science, Violence, Kittens

Visiting an island research station where they need a certified diver with confined spaces to inspect intake pipes. I am talking to the woman in charge on a boulder-strewn shore. The sun is setting and the stone looks black against the orange sky. Inside is a team of young men and women scientists I know. W-- is among them, or at least the dream equivalent of W--. The second floor has the center cut out to look down balcony-like to the first floor. I am hanging out of there looking across to a table where they are all seated. W-- approaches and says she misses me.


I am taking on a job/mission and must go. On another vessel (which resembles an old riverboat), this one with another cast of familiar characters. The mood is like a party, like a Labor Day barbeque / cruise. Half is family and half is graduated colleagues of mine. Mr. C-- is hitting up the booze and getting himself into trouble when he takes money from a classmate, digitally via the friend's phone. Which stars off on a hide-and-seek/ chase over the boat, in the stalls (where the friend's clothing and things were & where C-- got the phone), and over the docks.

Back on the boat I meet the family daughter and bump into W-- and other women I know. They are also on a mission - but counter to my own! Some secret lab/place in the nearby wood where the boat is docked. Compelled a brunette tosses a puppy (brown dachshund) towards the canopy - which tries to get in to the lab - hidden - and with a glass elevator. I leap over the side to get the puppy. There's a ladder and I reprimand the woman (now hanging upside down from the boat railing) "What were you thinking?!" I collect the puppy and her, go inside and make an awkward farewell.


Next mission in North Hill Country. I pull up in a motorcycle at a very nice white farmhouse, the kind with money. Park my motorcycle with the puppy. Inside is a red-brunette haired woman at a set, and elegant dark wood dining table sipping wine. On the table is a thin long sword.

A game of two cats begins between us. I am here to kill her. Slay may be more apropos as there is a dangerous air about her. We exchange sharp words, malevolence beneath civility. I am unarmed and so grab a goblet and break it for an object of sharp glass and turn it on her. The fight is fierce, tentative, and surprisingly brief as I slash, get the upper hand, and position, pin her and grab her hair in one hand, the sword in another. The tip is poised over her heart prepared to plunge. My heart is beating hard in my chest and throat. I start the thrust and she shrieks, NO!

There is a still moment. I hesitate. I cannot end her life. I turn away the sword, and hair already firmly in hand, I kiss her passionately. Which is surprisingly returned and just as fierce. Adrenaline rush.

I let her up and walk out - mission unaccomplished. But I do pick up a kitten, white with grey patches, and leave.

The kitten runs in another part of the farmhouse I have a weird & silly exchange of a family's baby for the kitten. I point in the window at the kitten, they come to the door with a baby in footy pajamas... I shake my head and point around the corner to the kitten scampering up their stairs.

I attempt to leave again. The rest is a silly attempt to ride a motorcycle with a puppy and kitten.

I get turned around, ask for directions from an older woman in a red pickup - one of those with the high wooden sides. I meet a black man and his family as I turn back around in his driveway. We talk motorcycles for a while and he shows me his garage - which the kitten escapes into and is frantically chasing mice, all tiny claws and teeth. She manages to catch a baby bunny - hurting but not killing it. Finally I catch the kitten and the dream ends with me settling kitten and dachshund on the bike.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Persecution, Judgment, Attack, Shame

1) Meeting with all of my professors but having nothing to show. Like a preliminary defense, but with nothing substantive to defend.

2)Argument with a man. We're in a university A big hall.Cheerlieading try-outs. Parking garage. A fight breaks out but he grabs me - literally - by the balls. I feel violated, outraged, ion pain, and helpless. I also seem to be wearing flimsy jogging shorts. I cannot shake him or fend him off. Every new attack is met with same as I try to get the upper hand.

3)I am visiting with L-- and family. Awkward family moments... they don't know that he two of us have broken up. S-- looks sad. I talk to her hoping to cheer her up; ask if she wants to go for a ride, a journey. Her response is happy and then unexpected.

We are in a living room. I'm on an air mattress - she on the couch - and she's then clinging to me, saying "you do love me" and she forces kisses on me... which is all very excitijng but I'm freaking out: 1) because we're in the living room and 2) because this would wreck both our relationships to L--. I try to get away, push her away - but she'd got her hand down my pants and L-- is right there hearing it all. We're toast. S-- is rejected and L-- is pissed.

No win.

Also of note, S-- is wearing a red ribbon. She is almost Nordic blonde and reminds me of [a friend]. The ribbon is the scarlet letter of the dream: a symbolic accusation of betrayal. S-- had the red ribbon like a sash draped over her shoulders. L-- was wearing a maroon scrunchie, which she threw at me.

I felt very judged, and guilty in some sense. but revealing of hidden emotion is exciting - and has consequences.

We carry our judgements into our dreams.

Friday, January 6, 2012

On Stage Again

Dream, January 2, 2012
A wonderful wooden set, circa mid to late 1970s. Performing a play about a royal family - Hamlet? But I have absolutely no knowledge of my lines or any plot and we're opening tonight, as in Now! and I'm in scene one and I don't even have my costume on.

No pleas or stalling: You're on!

Desperately pulling on my costume over my clothes and with my pants halfway up the curtains open: and I disappoint everyone.