Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hello New Year. Hello Blog.

It's been a long time since I've typed anything into livejournal. The last six months I pretty much abandoned most of my internet haunts. I spread myself too thin, and then last semester was a beast. Excuses, excuses.

There was a time when writing was almost as frequent as breathing. I've missed it. I've developed a dislike for reading on a computer screen though. Two things have convinced me to return to LJ. First, I've read three books in the four weeks I've been off from school. Nothing of consequence, but man, I really missed the paperback. I'm starting in on a fourth already. Second has been my application to Harvard. Between fabulous new vocabulary for the GRE and writing and rewriting my essay, I remembered why I used to write in the first place.

I am quite rusty though. I'd like to be able to hone up my fiction skills again, to where they were, and beyond. This is my final semester of college though, pending grad school acceptance or not, and I'm going to dedicate myself to making it count. So I'll journal when and where I can. But no more multiple online journals. The thought of chronicling my life in several places became daunting, so I just quit altogether except to one-line journal my life through facebook. It's more satisfying than speaking to the anonymous internet. Friends and family who care to keep up see daily the minutiae of my life.

So, life. The most consequential event of the unchronicled past is that I'm dating again. Which has had its ups and downs, but overall has been quite nice. Another bit about LJ that I've avoided is being completely candid. I fear that if I speak the complete truth that someone I know will read about it and get back to me with phantom judgments. Perhaps its an irrational fear, and that's the little "lock" entry mode's purpose. I'm going to start writing my dreams again in as vivid detail as I care to elaborate. I just hope it doesn't sound like some trashy sci-fi novella.

Last bit for tonight: I am having reservations about the upcoming job for the Navy. I was adamantly against it when I was first offered the position, and then I figured that it would be a different challenge to take on something outside of my normal comfort zone. Now I'm wondering if I should have listened to my initial gut reaction. Time will tell how this little story will play out.

I lied, one more. Communication has been tricky-iffy-WTF. Some is my fault, but I see it universally around me. My apologies to those who I care about deeply and have left in the dark, though most of you won't be reading this anyway. And those with whom I have deliberately severed ties will just have to deal with it. I can't be nice to everyone anymore. I fear that I'm being an asshole. Still, in the end, it will only matter to me, and I couldn't handle taking on everything anymore. This semester will be a test of how well I learned my lessons last semester.

I've stopped with the caffeine too. I was drinking so much tea during projects last semester the chemicals were getting to me. It's decaf from now on.

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