Discoveries as of late

Several things have come into my awareness in recent days, and I'm beginning to sum up and reach conclusions. This new energy of existence, which Seems to come from within us is then tailored to our selves. For me, in my experiments and fascination with divination it is becoming clear that this is no longer the way to go about my life. I was beginning to feel like someone anxiously awaiting what to be told to do. That isn't really what I want. I want to be at the helm, in control of my destiny and choices. I've been wavering too much, hinging on what ifs and sorting through every possibility.

I still love astrology and find it fascinating though. The energies I've been tapping into to actively divine are my own and vary depending upon my own vibrations. So in essence the answers are coming from within, but I don't need to go about it with complexity, nor do I need to pursue active magic. It was interesting exerting my will upon the world again for a little while. I hadn't done it in so long. Most of the time things are becoming as they are with no effort or exertion on my part. They simply are.

My intentions bring about a good many things, and some of which I have been waiting for is appearing on my very doorstep. Much of my desires are being met with rapid creation. And I am tired of trying to be something for others. I am only myself and more shamelessly demand that others accept it or not. If they don't like it then we are simply not in the same vibration at the time.

And so I still wish to be boundlessly creative. I'm in love with my books, or rather what they represent- stories. Story creation is still one of my favorite things to do. I'm ravenously enjoying the creations of others too. All of my magical baubles are now just pretty treasures, and I enjoy each as if it has a flavor of its own, but they no longer exist with purpose other than just to be. I am still a incorrigible collector, and I love being surrounded by my little treasures. I admit though, that I need to clean house a bit and only keep that which still gives me joy.

The time of waiting is coming to an end... and I will make my own reality every moment.

EDIT: So what am I? I am a storyteller.

I am fascinated with things of this world and things outside of it - essentially nearly everything in nature and among the stars. (There are definitely fields I don't care much about though, I've given up on chemistry, math and ticks except in purely abstract and philosophical terms.)

and with my chosen career at present, my active Magic will have a physical outlet in the creation planning and design of physical space. That makes me happy and comforted that something that felt so apart of me will have use and purpose. It took a bit for the realization to sink in that they were not exclusive.

Cheers darling.

I don't know whether I'm healing or breaking. I'm trying to let go, but I feel I need to have a drink to cope. That's no good.

I'm at a pivot point I think. I think I can see the other side of the mountain, but it looks just as bleak.

Fuck. I hate being alone. The irony is that I'm so very aware of the universe and that I'm not alone. Okay, it's like being behind glass, and I can see everyone but I cannot touch them. I ache for it. I weep for it. There's no poetry to my melancholy. Perhaps it would be more productive to produce with this yearning than to be self deprecating.

Feeling lost again?

Aye. The world still spins, the stars wheel o'erhead. And I feel the crash of the waves on my naked skin. There is salt. And Blood. I think I shall sleep awhile in the sand and let Morpheus take away the ache.

First day back in classes.

So I'm doing well, I suppose. I started Spanish 101 and felt completely lost. It's actually a really novel experience and I kind of like it. We're not supposed to speak any English and the teacher speaks to us in mostly all Spanish. I'm really a visual person and I think it helps to see the words written out first, so again this is a new experience. Parts of my brain I haven't used in years are now being forced to work. How neat is that?! Its like being underwater. Still I know its only the first day though, I feel I'm struggling.

Tomorrow I work out a schedule for being a secretary at the Landscape Architecture office along with a couple of other students. This will be good A) for money, and B) to give me forced time to focus and perhaps draw for my other job. (getting double pay woot!)

I volunteered to help convert a textbook that's out of print and totally unavailable anywhere into a usable pdf. (not like I really have that much free time) Not legal, but NO ONE has it. It's a private press from the 70's. Kind of like the UVM extension service book I have on Vermont plants. It would be a crime to let that information die because of publishing rights.

I also am uploading several old sketches from my 2001-2003 notebook to my sketch-art blog. http://3-tart.blogspot.com

Snowy view

Ok, so I have been very scattered and unfocused when it comes to the internet these days and haven't been keeping up with the blogging of things. I have excuses, but I don't know if I can care enough...

Explaining will take too long, I shall sum up: Final projects were all brain consuming. I needed a lot of recoup time. I was in Maine and had no internet. I couldn't bring myself to do anything that I felt I "had" to do. I was dealing with emotional things involving feelings towards other individuals. Short daylight hours make me strange and needing lots of sleep.

But now it seems I'm making my way out. I'm looking back and saying, "gee, that was interesting." and evaluating some of the experiences. I'm making a point of not judging them good or bad, they just were.

In more recent news, the post office delivered me an empty envelope with the bottom torn off (with delivery confirmation). I'm out $40 for the book. I'm insuring things from now on, because it seems I'm not the only one who has lost mail to the automatic sorting beast that lives in Providence and doesn't answer the phone. I'm more irritated than upset. I'll just have to order another book.

The watercolor pencils Selene gave me are being put to good use, and soon shall be the paints I bought when I left for vacation. I'll be opening my etsy shop as soon as I get a few paintings done for sale.

School starts next week, and I'm excited to be learning Spanish. And I really want to go to Costa Rica, and I think I may get an internship in Vermont this summer. Things could be panning out smoothly soon.

Astrology...

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “It takes a lot of time to be a genius,” said author Gertrude Stein. “You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.” I agree with her statement, which is why I have high hopes that you’re going to tap into more of your dormant genius in the coming days. The cosmic rhythms are nudging you to enjoy a time of profound slack, and I think there’s a good chance you’ll agree to that. A new year, and much to think about. More in the morning. If I get up at a reasonable hour.

First Post! (From the FUTURE...)

Posts prior to 2009 can be found on my Livejournal: http://knightbluerose.livejournal.com

I'm not going to backpost my whole online journaling experience!